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August 1, 2011

Following

I've been wondering lately what my voice is on this blog. I started it out as a way to motivate me to finish crochet projects. But it's turned into so much more- an inspiration outlet, a sharing of day-to-day life, my creative endeavours. I get to looking at other's blogs, though, and comparing mine to theirs, thinking, "How can I make mine look as good, sound as good, gather more followers?"... I realized so suddenly this weekend that I've shared bits of my life with you, my creative voice, but not even that voice as a whole. I have so many thoughts when it comes to my art and creative inspiration that I fail to share. And I have never really, completely, honestly shared about me, about what's going on in my head, about why I choose the things I do, about where God fits into all of this and why He's the reason for all of this. So here I am. This is it. This is the start of my voice on the blog, not the person I want other bloggers out there tothink I am for the sake of popularity/followers...I know I have readers out there, and I want you to keep reading because of who I am, not only because of what I like.

This is my life right now. I am in the midst of packing up all I've known for the past 2 1/2 years. I am heading for the very unknown and I don't want to go. Every part of my being tells me not to except for one very small, very still Voice that keeps nudging me forward. I've been accepted into the Diploma of Fine Arts program at the University of the Fraser Valley...which is a good 19 hour drive away from all I've ever known as home. It's a long way- maybe not for some, but that feels like an eternity for me. I'm not the type to pack up and leave my comfort zone, in fact I really, really enjoy being comfortable. I'm not a risk taker.

But 2 1/2 years ago, I took a risk as a small-town girl and moved to the heart of the "big" city of Saskatoon (I say it in quotation, because I feel it's so small now, but at the time, it felt big and scary!). It was scary, and I felt uncomfortable for even 9 months after, but I now have learned to love Saskatoon- I love the charm and community feel that especially my neighbourhood has. I love walking to Broadway, buying groceries at the Farmer's Market, getting books from the library downtown, riding my bike and looking at old houses. It has become comfortable. And God is telling me to take a risk again.

He's been pushing me towards this for a while, and I'm beginning to see that. I was working at a job this past year that has helped me to save the funds I need and gain a bit of the independence I need to move forward.

I was originally applying as just a thought, but it came a reality when I got accepted and suddenly it wasn't really what I wanted anymore. But that didn't matter because God's hand has been pulling me forward and in the midst of my fear, he has shown me his calm and given me the courage and strength to keep taking steps onward. I don't know what this next year will hold, or why I have to go B.C. to carry out my dream of attending art school, but I do know that by doing this, I will gain experience to carry out a different dream of mine, a ministry of sorts (which I may explain in a later post, we'll see...). And I do know that I can never stop following the voice of my Leader. I've learned to recognize it, even when the thoughts in my head are giving conflicting opinions.

I've been reading through Acts and have been amazed at the courage and fearlessness that the early Christians took to live out their faith and follow after the teachings of Jesus. The accounts of people being changed by the words of Christ and the obedience of his disciples is inspiring. I want to live with that same courage and be able to speak the words of Jesus freely. It's only by living in Christ's footsteps that I will be able to do that. I have a vision to use my art as a ministry, but I need to gain more experience as I do, in order to more effectively portray God's word.

So. This is where I'm at. This is my voice in this moment. Packing is overwhelming, preparing for a graduating art show, even more so. But God is with me, also in this moment. He's calling me forward. And I'm responding.

"Now get up and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and as a witness of what you have seen of me and what I will show you." Acts 26:16

2 comments:

kristen. said...

i like hearing your voice. i like it lots.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your honest words, Jenni. It's hard for me to see you go so far away, but I know whose hands you're in and I'm proud that you are following where He is leading. I'm confident you are on the right path! Phil 1:6
Love you,
mom

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